It's Not Like That interview: Erinn Hayes and JR Ramirez tell how they see David and Lori's relationship

Fans of It’s Not Like That have watched the ups and downs of Lori and David Soto trying to navigate their post-divorce relationship. They’ve been doing their best to move on, but it hasn’t always been easy. Thus viewers were surprised when the Wonder Project series revealed that Lori and David spent the night together.

Actors Erinn Hayes and JR Ramirez spoke to TVBrittanyF.com to talk about what attracted them to the characters of Lori and David. They also reflected on building the chemistry that made audiences feel for them throughout the season. Plus, find out which scenes from It’s Not Like That were some of their favorites.

Brittany Frederick: What was it that you connected with about your characters in It’s Not Like That? What made you excited about these roles?

Erinn Hayes: It was so well-written, was so relatable. My parents got divorced when I was 14, so it was very interesting to me to kind of get to do the other side of that—the parents’ side of dealing with divorce and all the things you have to juggle.

I love the moment that we meet Lori. She’s freshly out of her divorce and she has, in the last year, lost her best friend. It just felt so very female; we’re trying all the time to make sure everybody is okay. And you have her doing that, but you also have her in this moment of well, what am I going forward? What are my next steps? How do I become the person I want to be, while making sure everybody’s okay? So it immediately drew me in.

JR Ramirez: For me, kind of[the] same. My parents got divorced when I was 22, 23. The writing [is] one of the main things I always kind of look at. And from the get-go, from the pilot, I was just like, this is going to be good. You could tell from the writing; it was just complex. There was so much subtext within the words, that you realize that these writers knew what they were doing.

And character-wise, this was going to be a lot of fun for me to play. It’s a little bit different from stuff I’ve normally done. He’s a very complex, messy character who’s trying to figure out his decisions in life and trying to be a good dad, and he’s got a lot of obstacles to overcome throughout the arc of this first season. It was a no-brainer for me.

Hayes: It’s interesting too, because sometimes, the first read, I’ll be focused on the gist, but mostly on the character. What’s in there? What would I play? But then in further reads, I realized that every character was so fully formed, and that our creators, Ian [Deitchman] and Kristen [Robinson], had really thought out each character’s struggle. They had their own voice and their own cadence, and I was so invested in all of them.

JR, to your point, viewers are used to watching you in very grim TV shows like Power and Jessica Jones. David is not only a different character, but how different did it feel to you just making It’s Not Like That?

Ramirez: A hundred percent… Character-wise, this is one of the most kind of explorative, kind of troubled human beings that I’ve had the pleasure of being able to kind of stick my teeth into and and explore. Because David’s very complex. He’s got a lot going on. In the beginning, I was like, how do I find the truth [in] what he’s doing? Because saying the stuff I was saying, I was like oh, they’re not going to like this guy very much in the beginning.

I think at the end of the day, as messy as it is, and as many obstacles as they gave him, he’s a devoted father who wants to be a good dad. It’s messy, and it’s the kind of thing where the grass is always greener. You say you want something and then you get it, and then [it’s] just not really what you want. It’s so relatable to how many things that people deal with on a day-to-day basis, you know? So there was a lot to sink my teeth into.

Erinn, Lori has two different things to juggle between the divorce and Jenny’s death. Either one could be a whole show on its own. How did you approach playing her and avoid getting overwhelmed by all that she has on her plate?

Hayes: It was just moment to moment. When you have people that you’ve lost, there are certain moments that you’re confronted with, that are about missing that person and what they give your life so deeply. And then there are other moments that are just about her loneliness or her not knowing how to navigate the world without holding somebody’s hand and walking together into it, like walking into an auditorium by yourself and knowing that the moms at school are maybe gossiping about you. So that can be doubled up by oh, the person that I would talk to about this is no longer here.

And it’s interesting, because that’s where the Malcolm and Lori storyline really comes into play. These are two people who are reeling from change and from loss, and are gripping each other tightly to kind of maintain some semblance of sanity, and holding things together for the kids and for their family. It was tricky. There were moments where I was like, wait, there’s a Jenny aspect to this. There’s a friendship aspect to this.

Brad Silberling, who directed our first two episodes, was always so wonderful with bringing in a new element, like think about [how] this might also be playing in that moment. We had wonderful directors who were able to kind of steer along a moment… I think just getting back into the specificity of each moment, that’s what helped.

It’s Not Like That opens after Lori and David’s divorce so you two have to create this rapport like you’ve known each other for so long. How were you able to craft that on set?

Hayes: You just try to immediately hang out, and cut through the bullshit, and ask deep questions, and find a rapport for joking together and get into it. And then we had conversations about like, what do we think the end was? How were their communication disconnects? Were they just coasting for a while and not communicating? But so much of it was in the script, too.

Ramirez: With Erinn, it was so easy to connect with her. And like she said, I think there was a lot here that was in the writing. But what happened before—what did life look like when David was running around, getting home belligerent? We had a lot of conversations about all that.

It was really easy to step in and do this work with her. She’s so talented. She brings so much of her heart and soul to it, and her comedy genius comes in with the wittiness… How she brings a lightness to this heavy storytelling is beautiful.

Hayes: it’s interesting when you’re trying to do a relationship, and then also a relationship that’s no longer. I would look for little things, like maybe Lori’s always thought that thing that David does is funny, or that when he cuts her off, that is like a wall that always goes up. It’s finding those little things. Finding those specifics helps a lot. It’s choices that you make, like when JR is talking, I’m like oh, that’s really funny when he does that. Or that might be annoying to her. Making those little choices that then, when you’re doing a scene, make it easier to add layers to it. And it was always just so lovely to do scenes with him.

So what were some of your favorite scenes from It’s Not Like That?

Hayes: Our last episode, the Christmas episode, has such a beautiful scene with this choir that our showrunners’ assistant assembled with people like our stand-ins, our prop guy, her children— and it’s so beautiful that it made me cry when I watched it. There’s moments like that of real grace and beauty that I’m excited for everyone to see.

And JR is so good in [Episode 4].

Ramirez: I didn’t sleep for two weeks. [It was] one of the hardest things to do, to do it honestly and truthfully. I gave it everything I had, and hopefully people like it. But it was some of the hardest acting days that I had to do.

It’s Not Like That streams Thursdays on Wonder Project on Prime Video. Photo Credit: Steve Dietl/Courtesy of Amazon MGM Studios.

Article content is (c)2020-2026 Brittany Frederick and may not be excerpted or reproduced without express written permission by the author. Follow me on Twitter at @BFTVTwtr and on Instagram at @BFTVGram. For story pitches, contact me at tvbrittanyf@yahoo.com.